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YOU STILL THERE? 

This drawing:  "YOU STILL THERE?" is a picture of what most of us find when becoming a twinless twin. Everyday ,every breath is an endless up hill battle.

From the time we wake to the time we go to sleep it eats away at our very being.  We don't even get the time to switch off, in our dreams we are stalked by nightmares ,when  given a dream about our twins , we read it not as a sign of beauty but as a sign of what we have lost.

This little picture seems to be very popular with everyone who sees it.

Most the twins I know reach for it every time.  Another early loss twin really "GETS IT"

This is the picture that shows you entering the "PIT of DESPAIR"

Sadly when we all enter the pit there is no time limit on how long we will stay in it.

If we are VERY lucky we might be able to climb out on our own, after a time we might even be lucky enough for someone to throw us a rope to climb out.

Sadly some of us won't discover a way to climb out,  won't see the rope or call for help.

In this pit of despair they will live barely existing & all the while trapped in a cycle of loneliness & pain.

I spent a lot of time in the pit.

I was lucky & climbed out, what I learnt from my time in the pit was this, it is better to teach people how to climb a rope or even scale its walls.

Rather then leave them there.

I know of twinless twins who will see their loss as a sign that life must now be lived in the pit.

When you sit in the pit you don't realize part of your twin sits in there with you. In the bad times & in the good they are always with us.

digger

 

ANOTHER DAY 

"Becoming twinless"  in our early moments off arriving  in the place we find ourselves , we struggle to keep our balance .

Our world is in chaos. Nature tries to hang onto us as we get thrown about.  Cats, books, coke cans, clothe lines & umbrella's all get tangled up in our turmoil. We are in the middle of a hurricane. Nothing makes sense & even the most basic of task is total confusion.  Soon the emotional cocoon will come. Everything will shut down & we will hide from the world, only to awaken too a bigger storm & an uncertain future.   The colorful background is life in all its complexity.

 

DEATH AS IT HAPPENS

  

This is the moment when I was told that my twin was dead; it was like my soul had been ripped out & torn in two. As half of my soul is left behind the other half is my twin's it is set free.  Barbed wire is the pain that engulfs me, wraps itself around me & tightens with every breath.

I struggle & fight against it but I have no chance, it is over in a butterflies wing beats. Now the pain really starts it rakes my body, little do I know that this pain will be like nothing I could imagine. It won't eat me whole it will come back time & time again to feast on me before it is done. Decades later it will always never be far away only a thought away.

Behind me on the shelves are memories of growing up, toys, kites we used to fly together, slingshots from our adventures, things that brought us hours of fun. Now these things of joy will bring hours of painful memories. Little did I know that these things from the past in the early times of loss that hurt so much.

Will one day bring moments of happiness again & become prized treasures.

 

TWINSHIP EVERYDAY

" twinship everyday" as usual everyone is naked. Why because when we are naked we are totally exposed, so it is in the drawings about twinship we expose our souls.  There is nowhere to hide. As we both hold hands in life we fly thru time, nothing is more complete then being with your twin. As twins we don't really realize this till it changes.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone. Early loss twins know this so much better then a lot of twins. Why because they've spent their whole life knowing the feeling.

But in this picture we look at twinship as a whole thing. Being together whether they are physically here or not.

When they are buried all you see at a gave site, is a coffin with a body in it.

A SHELL IN A SHELL…. Then we bury it out of site,  so go the memories with it, if we are unlucky or lose site of  this, we lose our love forever.

I've found that carrying them in our hearts with love; we don't then leave their soul in the ground .

We carry it with us daily as part of our selves. When we carry them in our hearts they never age or suffer the effects of time.

In a small corner of the drawing is a small picture with 2 sets of foot prints & a left & right hand prints. This is our twinship complete with each other.

In the top right are the things we did as kids, fragments from a journey, a small pen knife, marbles, a kite an airplane. Everything we played with & brought us happiness we did together.

In the bottom right side of the picture, are a mass of colorful woven things, this is our cells we both share. Physically fate may separate us. But on a deeper level there is no way you can take us apart. My twin & I were soldiers, that's why we are together in our uniforms.  Even when he joined up I felt so lost, it was only when I joined up & wore that same uniform we were together again.

 

 I'M HERE - DON'T WORRY 

They are only ever one thought away.

 

 TORN APART 

If you are lucky other twinless twins will come down & guide you to the next world.

A long journey but brought in by other twins. In this picture this twin has suffered his death & battled to long perilous journey into a better place.

 

G'day everyone I drew this for my mates in the states, I feel it touches a chord in your hearts I hope that it comes across that way. It was a labor of love doing it.

 digger

"Taking you home'" this drawing is actually my favourite. I drew it when I was lucky enough for some early loss twins to" Open Up ' & take me into their twinloss which is unique to them. I was pretty ignorant & had the idea that what could they miss not having grown up , with out their twins all their lives. Then I was to discover they knew a whole lot about twinloss ,that many of us didn't know. THEY where born into it or had the pain & loss thrown upon them from the earliest of times. Sometimes, something that haunts you from your earliest times can be just as devastating a seeing it change before your eyes later in life. "Taking you home" is a drawing about a little twin who has been taken from us. Before they even had the chance to enjoy life, luckily they had the time in the womb & listening to two little heart beats drumming together,a memory to carry with them on the journey. It must be hard to carry only 2 memories; the heart beat of your twin then nothing" Silence" Another twinless twin has come down to make sure this little one makes it home,to be amongst friends. This drawing was where I discovered the beauty of flight in the universe, high above man's world.

Digger twin to Dougy

JUST OUT OF REACH 

 

 

 

"Just out of reach" It shows that in this world as close as we can get to our twins,just seems to always be short. In the right hand corner of the picture is a picture of a twinless twin's wing. We are all flyers, in twinship we used to fly together & never knew it. When you loose your twin you lose your flight. Everything we do for another is a way to put a feather back into our wing & get us closer,to flying again. Some of us may only be one feather way from this flight & it might be a fellow twinless twin that gives us this flight. This drawing is finding away to bridge the gap fate & destiny have thrown at us.

Digger twin to dougy

 

This is the drawing "Reapress". It is showing that not always is the reaper evil or a scary beast, sometimes she walks about is in the guise of a beautiful woman. Fate points us out & the Reapress walks up behind the chosen one & puts her hand on their shoulder. Then you are gone before you know it. Sometimes she kisses us in our sleep & we never wake but only remember the fleeting kiss. 

Digger

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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