I remember that when I lost my twin ...
By Digger

i remember that when i lost my twin , "i was hit for a 6"....
" knocked right out of the ball park"
"King hit"

It came as a surprise to me that my twinship would change more then i could
possibly imagine; it would take me so far out of my comfort zone & leave me
there .
Sometimes when we are taken to this place & left there we wonder how on earth
are we going to survive .

I found the familiar landmarks i grew up with, faded from my eyes sight & just
you for , you just find yourself thrown out into the world on your own,
emotionally naked & vulnerable.

I wonder how do we walk this path , esCwww.australiantwinlesstwins"35me of it we feel that
our eyes are closed & we stumble from day to day . Hanging on, barely making it
from one moment to the next.

Whilst i first was in this place grief surrounded me , it wrapped itself around
me , flavored everything i saw , breathed & thought.
For alot of this i felt torn apart , other times lost , angry , confussed,
numb, but somehow i still breathed & came out the other side.
Maybe all of this was part of the right of passage we call twinship, its a test
of endurance, but even in it all the while , there was something happening, i
was changing , all of this was me going thru changes, preparing me for what was
waiting after coming out of my grief.

I was now left standing on the edge of the world looking out & in front of me
lay the BIG QUESTIONS.
My twinship was still there , i was intact as much as i could be, even tho , i
didn';t feel like it.

When you make it thru this ordeal , pat yourself on the back, now starts the
long run , & not all of it is up hill or painfull anymore .
Life around us comes with no guarantees, nowhere does it say , our life will
be all sweet & rose petals, life is what it is.

It's just when you stand out there & know its different it can be daunting, it
would be easy to hide under the covers or close our eyes & hope when we open
them up it was as it always was.

Somehow as we face this part of twinship,you slowly find that our twinship is
still with us , closer then just out of reach.
I wondered how i would ever find my twin again , maybe i could only be truly
happy when we meet in heaven, so i was scared about walking thru this life with
out him.

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST FEAR! IT WAS EVEN GREATER THEN THE PAIN OF LOSING HIM!
It was facing a world with uncertainty, not being able to see or know what was
round the next corner.
So all i could do was very slowly walk out into it , taking the tiniest of
steps, not knowing who i was anymore because walking with out him made me a new
person.

The more i walked in this life now the grief is left so far behind , i can't
see it any more, the futher i walked away from my past , brought me closer to my
twin & him to me.
As i now discovered, my love for him grows & with it his for me ,i stopped
looking for him & in doing so ,he found me :)

In time this part of twinship, will not feel like a curse or a misery, it grows
into something a whole lot more, a deepening of love for our twins & theres for
us.

This is worth more then anything i could ever own , or want & it comes with
who we are " TWINS< now ,then & all parts of the journey"
i don't need to see around the next corner , because i'm content in myself &
my twinship as it is unfolding.
digger

slipped out of reach of my fingertips.

THIS WAS THE BEGINNING to a new part of twinship, a part nothing really prepares
We are all on the same journey:)