We started out with my father delivering my twin Dougy at home in the bathroom. Mum had no idea she was having twins, even after Dougy was born & the ambulance came to take her to hospital she still had no idea about me!

Later she complained about the after pain & the Dr’s decided to take a 2nd look, 1 hour later I turned up. A head nurse said to her “you better name them quick, & don’t expect to take them both home you’ll probably lose one.”

(Little did my mum know she would lose one 28 years later to a bullet & a back shooter.)

Sad thing to have your kids die before you, it seems to go against nature & what is right!

We lived in the country as young kids, & by the time we’d gotten to 4 years old, we’d nearly been drowned & died, trapped in quicksand, one of us was caught in a sand cave in a cubby house my best mate & I dug him out before he suffocated. This was the same best mate who set my twin Dougy on fire.

Oh the things we got up to when no one was watching & the baby sitter was on the bottle or nowhere to be seen.

All I can remember was the day my dad went to Vietnam & the day he came home.( we got a batmobile each of us)

We were as thick as thieves my twin & I.

Finally we came to the city & for us this was a good thing, last I ever heard about my first best friend he’s now missing an arm. He was the kind of kid who was as tuff as nails. He’s lost an arm & I reckon if we stayed & grew up with him we’d of probably lost our lives.

As kids my sister & I hated each others guts, & every second in the house was a war zone between she & I. I taken chili’s rubbed in the eyes to a bottle smashed in my face by her, & no doubt I gave her as good as I got.

All the while my parents trying to keep a lid on it & keep us apart. Funny thing tho Dougy & her got along famously.

Then the time came after the growing up, my twin joined the army, never had I felt so lost.

It was killing me, so all things being equal & joined up, got posted to the same town different units. We were back together again & in my books it didn’t get any better then this.

He got married & was expecting his first child & I came back home to Sydney.

Then it happened

We were supposed to be getting together for a shooting trip, by then I was at art school & didn’t want to kill any more. My dad & I were flying up to join him.

But for some strange reason he went before we got there about 2 days earlier, he took his best mate from the air force & another new air force fireman.

Then we got the news

Dougy had been shot & died. Mate it was hard to believe, here he was an expecting father with his wife 4 months pregnant, he’d said to me that once the baby was born he was giving up shooting1

He was going to be a dad, and that was going to come first.

Whilst out there he was setting up a target, his best mate was making a cup of tea. The new guy picked up a rifle,turned to Doug's mate & said to him "I wonder what it’s like to kill someone", then Doug's best mate thought he was joking & said “don’t be so bloody stupid". & went back down to making the tea.

The guy picked it up lined up Dougy in the middle of the back put the scope on him & squeezed the trigger. !BANG! He shot Dougy through the middle of the lower back, Dougy turned & said “ &*&* you’ve shot me’”.

Then the guy with the rifle pointed it at Doug's best mate.
He grabbed the rifle & said "get on the radio tell them Doug's been shot & we are bringing him in."

He later told me that when the guy shot Dougy & the bloke pointed at him he believed that the bloke was going to shoot him too, & get rid of any witnesses. That’s why he just snatched the rifle.

Long story short Dougy died in a first aid station in the middle of nowhere, the place wasn’t geared up for that kind of thing.

After he died the nurse managed to revive him & get him back, he went all pale & looked at his best friend & said "it’s starting to hurt now" & died.

The guy who shot him got charged with manslaughter & got off it.

My mother heard him at his trial whinging* to his solicitor that it was going to cost him $ 1,500.00 in legal fess.

His actions cost my family a whole lot more then he knows, it cost me a twin, his unborn baby a father, Dougy’s wife a husband & family to come, a Mum ,Dad and Sister a Son & Brother.

Financially it kicked us in the teeth , my Mum & Dad worked on after they could of retired to put a roof over my twins wife’s head, my Sister & I gave financially all that we owned.

But can you believe this scumbag whinging* about paying $1,500.00 dollars & getting off scott free.

That was what hurt all of us most of all, not the money, it was seeing this guy kill an innocent man in cold blood & walk.

In those few moments he gave all of us a “life sentence” & he walked away totally free.

That is my story, it has torn my family in 2 now, luckily I have 2 little boys & a beautiful partner. My Mum & Dad are very close to my little family & I.

My sister & I haven’t spoken in over 10 years, I love her very much; in some strange way it has all steamed from Dougy’s death.

The day he died it was like someone dropped a rock in a pond & 19 years later the ripples still reach us & effect our lives.

How do I keep in touch with him & my twinship? By writing, drawing, & every twinless twin I meet.

This is what keeps my head above water.

Grant “Digger” Douglass TT2 Dougy

* whinging - to complain